10 Ways to Help Your Child Build Confidence & Self-esteem

It has been said that we spend the last 50 years of our lives recovering from the first 18. Our childhood experiences heavily influence our level of confidence and self-esteem in life. As Frederick Douglass once said,

“It is easier to build strong children than to repair broken men.”

Ways to give your children a BIG head start:

1. Show your children that you love them 100% of the time.

Let your child know that they are perfect exactly as they are and that you will love them in all circumstances, good and bad. It is important for a child to know they are fully supported at all times. This gives them the space to make mistakes and to learn from them.

2. Give your child control.

If your child is young, let them choose their clothes for the day from several options you provide. They feel a greater level of control when they can make a few choices for themselves.

Older children need the freedom to make choices and learn from the consequences of those choices, whether good or bad. For instance, if your older child doesn’t want to wear a jacket on a chilly day, let them experience the feeling of being cold as they walk to the bus stop or play outside at recess without it. Don’t rob your child of chances to learn and grow.

3. Help your child to set goals and be successful.

Whether the goal is growing a pumpkin or making the tennis team, help them to be successful. Show your child that they can influence their life by making a decision and working hard. Don’t praise the achievement, though. Praise the hard work and perseverance that got them there. That’s where the success lies… in the journey.

And it’s just as important to help them deal with disappointment when things don’t work out according to plan. Teach them that failing at something and trying again is often a much bigger success in the long run than earning something easily.

4. Teach your child to do new things.

The more capable we become, the more confidence and self-esteem we possess. Help your child to feel more capable by teaching new skills. Many parents think that, by doing lots of things for their children, they are helping them. This couldn’t be farther from the truth. Teach your child to do the skill themselves. This takes patience because many times it would be quicker and easier if we just did the task, but in the long run, it’s worth the time and effort.

Younger children might need to learn how to tie their shoes, tell time, and make a sandwich. Older children might need help preparing a class presentation, studying for finals, or changing the oil in the car. Watch your child’s face light up the next time they succeed at a new skill.

5. Compliment and praise your child frequently, but do it correctly.

We all stand a little taller when we hear something positive about ourselves. Talk about the things that your child does well. Give praise freely, but be careful to do it in the right way.

Too often we praise a child for an accomplishment by telling them how smart they are, but what does that do to their self-esteem when they struggle? It implies that, when they struggle, they must not be very smart. Instead of saying, “Look at how smart you are!” try something like, “I’m proud of how hard you worked to {insert accomplishment here}.”

6. Give your child a few chores.

Require your child to do a few age-appropriate chores around the house. This will teach your child discipline and teach them to be self-sufficient. It also makes them feel like “a part of the team.” We all work together as a family to help things run smoothly.

7. Avoid shaming your child.

There is no value in making anyone feel bad about themselves. When your child makes a mistake, teach them that their choice of action was incorrect. That’s very different than suggesting that they’re a bad person.

And keep in mind that behavior is communication. When your child acts out, there is most likely an underlying issue that needs to be addressed. What do they need? Are they tired? Hungry? Feeling bad about something that happened to them earlier that day? Try to find out.

8. Include your child when addressing family issues.

Listen to your child’s opinion. You might find that they have the best solution. At the very least, you’ll boost your child’s confidence and sense of importance.

9. Set a good example.

Take care of your own needs. Be kind and patient with yourself. Treat yourself the way you’d like your kids to treat themselves. Show them how to set limits and say “no” to unreasonable requests. Even if you think that your kids aren’t listening, you can be certain that they’re watching. Show them what confidence and self-esteem look like.

10. Give your child attention.

When you ignore your child, you send the message that they don’t matter. Turn off the TV and put down the phone while your child is trying to speak to you.

If you truly don’t have time, ensure that your child understands the situation. Explain the urgency of what you are doing and set a specific time to be 100% present with them. Your time, love, and attention are some of the most important gifts you will ever give your child.

While you cannot give your child self-confidence or self-esteem, you can provide opportunities for your child to build it within themselves. It’s never too early to start preparing your child for the future. 💜